Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
