some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
