You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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