I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
