your thong is hanging out like whoa
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
