When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
operation have a gay friend backfired
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
how drunk are you?
Several
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize