yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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