This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
