glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
