Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
