please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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