True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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