Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
