i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
