he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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