I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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