I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize