i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
