I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
