He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My bed smells like the plague
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
