tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
