Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Im part way to drunk.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
