My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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