The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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