Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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