She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
