dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
