Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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