Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
