life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
