It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
