he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
