she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
