She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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