I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
