By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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