I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
