He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
