my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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