She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
