if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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