Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
