Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
babies were throwing up all over the place
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
