Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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