Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
