Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize