bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
