And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
