sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
