I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
