Need sex. Gaining weight.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
