Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
