if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
