I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Quick, to the slutcave!
someone owes me an orgasm
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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