I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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