The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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