So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize