I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
