I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
