how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
