watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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