It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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