fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
