Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
