Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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