the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
