I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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