so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
