Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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