Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
