Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's great music for shaving your balls
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
