i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
