well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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