Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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