dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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