youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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