i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
