you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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