I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
