i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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