i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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