I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
