A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
dude. I can hear the air.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
