brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize