I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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