I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
