The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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