Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
