his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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