the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
