I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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