Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
send nudes
from the living room?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
