i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
