Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
