I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
