fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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