just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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