I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He shit in the fireplace
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
